Home » Thank Golf It’s Friday – Volume 4

Thank Golf It’s Friday – Volume 4

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Last month, the Topgolf Live Stadium Tour took a stop at historic Fenway Park in Boston. People got the chance to smack some balls from the upper levels of the stadium onto the field, like a reverse batting practice, only with clubs and golf balls instead of bats and baseballs.

I didn’t get the chance to partake on account of 1) tickets sold out, and 2) I wasn’t going to pay $600+ or whatever it was for a package that was still available. Hell, some Skillest packages are cheaper and I’d get more out of fixing my swing rather than showcasing my current monstrosity.

Between Fenway being transformed into a driving range and me playing some EA Sports Rory McIlroy, it got me thinking: what’re some strange or unique locations for a golf course? If you’ve never played Rory, you can play a round in a literal battlefield, in a jungle, and the Grand Canyon (which we’ll get to later).

So in no particular order, here are six locations I’d like to see a golf course…

1. Central Park

A couple of guys actually proposed this idea back in 2017, laying out plans for a 36-hole course. Naturally, the city told them to pound sand. At least they tried.

Logistically speaking, does the idea make any sense at all? Absolutely not. But that’s the point of this list, so let’s roll with it.

As we all know, New York City is a big smelly concrete dumpster, and Central Park somehow exists in the middle of that hell hole. Is it perfect? Of course not, but it’s nice. But you know what’s nicer? A golf course.

One change I’d make from the proposition above is the Zoo. The 4th green and 5th tee box should be in the Zoo itself. You think there’s pressure playing skins with Tiger? How about playing to protect your own skin with a literal tiger? You don’t know the true character of a person until they have to sink a 5-foot putt while surrounded by wild life.

2. Grand Canyon

Coyote Falls is EA Sports Rory McIlroy PGA Tour’s fantasy course located in the Grand Canyon. To simply put it, it’s perfect. Seeing the Grand Canyon in person does two things to a person: takes your breath away, and makes you wonder how far you could launch a ball into it. Imagine playing a 700-yard par 5 over multiple valleys? Sounds pretty awesome to me.

Course maintenance might be difficult, given the deepest part of the Canyon is 6,000 feet. Plus you know you’ll have those guys who never give up on finding their ball. Easy solution would be replacing carts with mules. Now that would be sweet, even on regular courses.

3. The Coast

Not exactly specific, but have 18 holes run straight up or down the ocean shore. Imagine playing 18-straight holes of this:

I’d even set aside my hate for sand traps for an experience like that. The only issue would be getting back to the clubhouse, which would naturally be located by the 1st tee. Easy solution: monorail.

4. Indiana

About five years ago, I took a drive from Massachusetts to Chicago for a New Year’s Eve wedding. Flights were crazy expensive, and the misses & I thought it might be a fun idea to road trip. While stopping in Buffalo for wings & staying a couple nights at Niagara Falls was great, easily the worst part of the drive was the great state of Indiana. (She’d tell you it was driving through two white-out snow storms, but I was sleeping in the passenger seat. Not my problem.)

If you’ve never had the pleasure of driving through Indiana, it is awful. If you’re a fan of flat land for miles on end, then I guess it’s the place for you.

Whenever I see a big plot of land, I usually think to myself “that’d be a good spot for a baseball field.” But going through Indiana? It’s miles and miles of nothing. Just emptiness and billboards for finding Jesus. So my mind went from baseball diamonds to endless par 5’s.

Apologies to all the Indianans who somehow find this place livable. I’m sure you have golf courses, but just know there’s room for more.

5. Bora Bora

The mountains might keep this course to a 9-hole paradise, but just look at this place. Did I include it on here because of my desire to stay for my future honeymoon? Perhaps. Not that my wife would want to golf on our honeymoon, but if Bora Bora has a course, what are you going to do, not play a round?? Only a fool would pass up on that opportunity. Side note: feel free to Venmo me some sweet, sweet cash for that honeymoon of mine. I wouldn’t be mad.

6. Antartica

Let’s say it how it is: there’s a lot of of wasted space on Antarctica. And winter months are tough, six months of darkness to be exact. But look, there are those six months of daylight all day long. 2:47am tee time? Sign me up. Slow play and waiting for a tee time would be a foreign concept on the South Pole. I’ve obviously left off an important issue and that is the cold. I’m not worried about it, given this whole global warming thing is inevitably going to force us to colonise aongside the penguins. Plus, look at this photo:

That’s a 2015 photograph of NSF’s McMurdo Station. In Antarctica.

If they can have what’s basically a small town with POWER LINES on the South Pole, then I don’t see how we can’t have golf course as well.